


The 5 Times Sooyoung Tries Love and the 1 Time She Gets it Right

by gaywrongs



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, F/F, One Shot, chuuves happy end game, squint for viseul - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 10:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17000301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaywrongs/pseuds/gaywrongs
Summary: Sooyoung is a Mess, of the gay variety. Or: The chuuves "5 Times ___ and the 1 Time ___" AU one person (me) asked for.





	The 5 Times Sooyoung Tries Love and the 1 Time She Gets it Right

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted on aff! I've never used ao3 before so uhhhhhh ooang?
> 
>  
> 
> Inspired by Halsey's song Strangers and a fever high at 4AM.
> 
> ++

“We’re not lovers -- we’re just strangers with the same damn hunger -- to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all.”

 

“No. You are not allowed to quote a gay mainstream Halsey song while you are pseudo-breaking up with me.”

 

Jungeun only cackles in response, and Sooyoung has to join in. Jungeun’s laugh has always had that effect. It leaves you with a desire to be a part of whatever that laugh came from; it is sudden and fleeting, much like Jungeun and Sooyoung’s spur-of-the-moment love affair.

 

“But am I wrong?” Jungeun’s lips are curved in that way that caused Sooyoung to think she was falling for her in the first place.

 

“We’re not strangers,” Sooyoung points out.

 

Jungeun nods in agreement. Her hand moves to brush her blonde hair out of her eyes. Sooyoung realizes that she can watch now, without feeling that twinge inside her chest.

 

“Yeah, but I’m not going to make up some crap about seeing you as a sister or something. You’re like… like Jiwoo, you know?” Jungeun latches onto her example seriously, not noticing how Sooyoung’s eyes latch onto her lips as she says the other girl’s name. “I’ve known her for years, and we’ve had those deep and shallow phases of a friendship. She’s a great girl. Intriguing. If she wanted to, and I was three shots in, I wouldn’t mind kissing her. But I can’t see it going past that. That doesn’t diminish the love I have for her… as Jiwoo. Not a lover, not a stranger.”

 

Sooyoung watches her lips. Jungeun smiles again.

 

“You know?”

 

Sooyoung lets her eyes trail up to meet Jungeun’s. It’s not forced. It’s not painful. And Jungeun’s eyes are beautiful too, but they’re not eyes that Sooyoung feels like falling into.

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“You’re like Jiwoo. But… Sooyoung. Does that make sense? Ah, I guess you would know better than me.”

 

Sooyoung’s eyes move, then, away from the silence that hasn’t been addressed, away from the churning in her gut.

 

 

\--

 

 

“You have hunger.”

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

Soft brown hair falls over a delicately shaped face. Sooyoung stares at this girl’s lips, not so much out of interest or even observation, but because she’s not sure of the soft words that come from between them.

 

The girl tilts her head the slightest bit, looking up at Sooyoung. Her eyes are large and soft. Knowing.

 

“Neither of us have to be sorry. Words don’t come easy to me.” She shifts easily on the couch that they share, somewhere in the middle of Haseul’s living room, a bit closer together than two acquaintances should be. Sooyoung can only raise an eyebrow.

 

“You have hunger,” The girl repeats.

 

“Hunger.”

 

“Yes,” soft eyes flit around Sooyoung’s form, seeing around and through her, “I see it in the way you move.”

 

“The way I move.” Sooyoung seems to only be able to repeat this girl’s words.

 

“You hold yourself ready. Poised. Trained. You move like you are preparing to perform. You have hunger.” The girl’s lips purse as she examines Sooyoung. Sooyoung doesn’t think they’re necessarily attractive or anything. She still watches as she continues. “You are careful with yourself. You want things from life, and you know what you have to do to get them. At least, you think you do.”

 

“I think I do?”

 

“You can afford to let your guard down, once, a while, forever with another.”

 

This is the most confusing statement yet, but Sooyoung is tired of doing nothing but repeating her words, so she closes the casual distance between them and kisses the other girl, lightly, quickly. Her lips are as soft as her eyes. Sooyoung curls her fingers into the hem of the other girl’s shirt. She pulls away once she hears approaching footsteps.

 

“Kahei, are you ready?” Haseul peeks around the corner, oblivious.

 

The other girl, Kahei, seems unperturbed, almost as if she expected this all. She stands and stretches.

 

“Sooyoung, why are you still here? You can do your work in your own room, you know.” Haseul playfully chastises her, but Sooyoung can only watch as Haseul’s attention quickly latches onto Kahei, who stands behind her and intertwines their hands as if it is the most casual thing in the world. Sooyoung and Haseul both look at Kahei with a question behind their eyes.

 

“Let Sooyoung do what she needs to do. Are you ready?” Kahei’s eyes never change their softness as she looks from one girl to the next.

 

Sooyoung is the first to look away, down at her fingernails digging into the couch at her side.

 

 

\--

 

 

“Now I know why Jungeun brought you up.”

 

“Do I know you?”

 

She leans back. Obnoxiously expressive eyebrows quirk in amusement. “I’m Jinsol. Jungeun’s potential new girlfriend.”

 

Sooyoung feels her heart drop, but not because of jealousy or any other petty emotion that meant she was actually in love with Jungeun after all, or something like that. Her frown must communicate the real reason why, as Jinsol is quick to explain.

 

“So it’s alright that we’re making out. That’s the whole point of this party.”

 

Sooyoung tries not to be distracted by lithe arms sliding up her body to rest on her shoulders. “The whole point of this party is to cheat on your significant other with the first random hoe you see? I’m not that kind of girl.”

 

Jinsol’s laugh is smooth and light and leaves Sooyoung with a desire to draw out more sounds from inside a deeper, unrestrained part of this girl. “Potential significant other. We’re not sure yet. There are lots of pretty girls out there who can make us laugh and feel more like ourselves. What if we’re not anything special to each other?”

 

Sooyoung would be lying if she says she completely agrees with this strain of logic, but she would also be lying if she says she completely dislikes making out with Jungeun’s potential new girlfriend, whatever that means to any of them. So she lets Jinsol lock her fingers around the back of her neck and pull her back in for another heady kiss.

 

It’s Jinsol who pulls back first with a giggle. “Yeah, I definitely know why Jungeun brought you up.”

 

Sooyoung pulls at Jinsol’s waist with both hands, frowning at the interruption. “And why’s that?”

 

“Because A,” Jinsol nudges Sooyoung’s searching mouth away with her chin, instead leaning in and up to whisper into her ear, “you’re an incredible kisser. And B…”

 

Sooyoung never gets to hear the second reason, because Jinsol is suddenly gone from her insistent grip and pinned against a nearby wall by a clearly intoxicated and possessive Jungeun.

 

Sooyoung feels the party’s loud music pound in time to the abating rhythm of her heart. She can’t help but laugh at Jinsol’s apparent conflict between being amused at Jungeun’s reaction and giving in to the harsh kisses Jungeun is leaving on her neck. Sooyoung has to admit, the girls’ smooth blonde locks look good like this, askew and melding into the other’s.

 

She notices her empty hands and leaves to find a drink to fill them once Jinsol can’t keep her eyes focused on anything other than Jungeun.

 

 

\--

 

 

“I miss the thought of a forever.”

 

“Stop being so dramatic. Hyunjin will be back in literally two weeks.”

 

“I’ve never been away from her for so long,” Heejin moans miserably.

 

“Probably less than two weeks, since that soccer team of hers sucks. They won’t make it to the finals,” Sooyoung predicts.

 

“Yes they will! Hyunjin will carry the team!” Heejin protests.

 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes. “Make up your mind: Do you want her to win, or do you want her back sooner?”

 

Heejin’s sigh would garner pity, if it wasn’t so drawn-out and dramatic, and if it wasn’t Sooyoung she was trying to gain sympathy from.

 

“Why can’t it be both?”

 

Sooyoung straightens her back, soft eyes haunting the back of her head. She ignores them to say: “Because we don’t live in a perfect world with perfect love, no matter how perfect the two in love are for each other.”

 

“That’s what Jiwoo said.” Heejin pouts. Sooyoung tries not to think about how Jiwoo would give in to that cute gesture and hug the younger girl and her separation anxiety away. Heejin’s pout only increases at the lack of response from Sooyoung. Sooyoung digs her nails into her palm and looks away from lips that, for a brief moment, were not Heejin’s.

 

Heejin gives up and flops onto the floor with another dramatic sigh. “But I think the world is bogus. Love is perfect by default. Why can’t the world just let people in love be people in love?”

 

Sooyoung snorts, hands uncurling in her lap. “It does. You’re just too annoyingly in love for the world to deal with.”

 

Heejin stands with an emphatic finger jabbed almost up Sooyoung’s nose. There is a fire in her eyes that Sooyoung has never seen before.

 

“Ha Sooyoung!” Heejin proclaims. “You can never be too in love!”

 

The fire fizzles into lovey-dovey sparks as Heejin’s phone rings. Sooyoung doesn’t even have to look to know who it is. The sound of a dog barking only confirms it.

 

“Hey babe! How was practice?”

 

Sooyoung rubs her nose absentmindedly as Heejin dashes off to talk with her girlfriend. She sits alone, not quite lonely, thinking, until her own phone buzzes.

 

A text from someone she hasn’t talked to in far too long.

 

She can’t stop thoughts of strawberry-brunette hair and eyes that say more than their radio silence from filling her mind.

 

 

\--

 

 

“Why don’t you let me have control anymore?!”

 

“The last time Hyejoo let you be player one, you managed to crash the game and burn a hole into the coffee table at the same time.”

 

Hyejoo, Chaewon, and Yerim all nod in agreement. Yeojin drops her remote and turns to let out some scathing, meme-filled comeback towards Sooyoung.

 

“Yeojin, you’re dying.”

 

Hyejoo’s monotone voice saves Sooyoung from her horrible fate. With a screech, Yeojin swoops up her remote and attempts to save her character on screen. It doesn’t appear to go so well, but what would Sooyoung know about video games? All she ever does is supervise these four as they yell at each other more than actually play the game, or silently listen in from a thin wall away as Hyejoo and Jiwoo talk more seriously through their headsets about things like strategies and character customizations and why Sooyoung stopped talking to Jiwoo last month --

 

“You cheater!” Yerim cries out.

 

“It’s not cheating,” Chaewon begins.

 

“We’re just better than you,” Hyejoo finishes. Despite her own losing status, Yeojin finds victory in Yerim’s emotional loss, and takes it upon herself to yell “Ooooooh!” with her own accompanying vocal airhorn noises. As if Chaewon and Hyejoo’s almost eerily synchronized punchlines are unexpected.

 

Sooyoung watches Hyejoo take a sip of some unhealthy gamer soda concoction and then pass it left to Chaewon, her eyes never leaving the television screen in front of them. Chaewon’s lips close around the same place Hyejoo has just drunk from. She passes it back without looking, and Hyejoo takes another quick sip before the next round starts. It’s not like they’ve known each other for that long, comparatively. Sooyoung wonders how it became so natural so quickly for Chaewon’s quirky nature to fully emerge only around Hyejoo, for Hyejoo to climb into Chaewon’s bed for cuddles when the nights are too long. She guesses she’s missed a lot of the goings-on in their shared space, what with the world’s biggest distraction also present, in the form of crinkles around eyes above a smile brighter than the sun above a heart of gold that Sooyoung is scared to let herself touch.

 

“How could you leave me!” Yeojin shrieks.

 

“That’s what you get,” begins Hyejoo.

 

“For leaving us for a silly side quest,” Chaewon finishes. It’s Yerim’s turn to make airhorn noises now.

 

Maybe Sooyoung is done being scared.

 

“This isn't fair!” Yeojin rounds on the two calm girls who are now sharing a bag of chips. “You two aren’t fair!” Yerim gets to a safe zone with her character and sits back to watch the smallest one rant.

 

“How is it not fair?” Sooyoung asks, genuinely curious.

 

“Because!” Yeojin splutters. “Chaewon and Hyejoo are like, like… like gamer girlfriends! They have telepathy powers!”

 

“They’re not girlfriends,” Yerim corrects, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. “They’re soulmates.”

 

“That’s basically the same thing!” Yeojin wails, but she seems to understand the logic as well, only protesting out of principle, not confusion. Is Sooyoung the only one who doesn’t understand relationships?

 

“Yeojin,” Chaewon begins solemnly, shifting to let Hyejoo lean her head on her shoulder.

 

“Get good,” Hyejoo finishes, feeding Chaewon a chip without averting her triumphant gaze from Yeojin’s fuming form.

 

Maybe, like Chaewon and Hyejoo, Sooyoung doesn’t have to look too hard into it.

 

Maybe, unlike Yeojin, who is looking much too close to breaking the new coffee table, she is done trying to fight it.

 

 

++

 

 

“Did I cross a line?”

 

“No. No, Jiwoo. I mean, yes, you did cross a line, but no, you are not allowed to quote that same damn Halsey song.”

 

“Oh. I’m… I’m sorry.” Jiwoo looks confused, but mostly exhausted, and that pierces Sooyoung’s heart in a way that she hasn’t allowed it to feel in much too long.

 

This isn't how Sooyoung means their reconciliation to go. Then again, she didn’t mean to ignore Jiwoo in the first place. Well, she kind of did, but not. Sooyoung is confused and exhausted too, and shaking with unconveyed emotion.

 

“Look, Jiwoo -- what I mean to say is… yes, you crossed a line. You know I considered you one of my best friends.”

 

Jiwoo’s eyes lose their trademark sparkle even more at the past tense slipping from Sooyoung’s trembling lips.

 

“No -- Jiwoo, what I mean is -- look, I crossed that line too, Jiwoo --”

 

“Please.” Jiwoo’s head is bowed, hair darker than Sooyoung remembers; her voice cracks and so does Sooyoung’s heart. “Please stop saying my name, stop saying it like that.”

 

“Like what?” Sooyoung is almost desperate in her bewilderment. Jiwoo’s name has never felt more right on her tongue. She cannot let it die on her lips like this.

 

“You say it like it means something to you,” Jiwoo says. “Like I mean something to you.”

 

Sooyoung cannot take the tremble in Jiwoo’s mouth, how she so obviously tries to conceal her tears from Sooyoung, and so she gently takes Jiwoo’s face in her hands and lets her look up cautiously and then kisses her with all of the softness and hunger and acceptance she has finally let herself feel within her heart and soul.

 

She pulls back a breath away to whisper hoarsely, “The line needed to be crossed. So thank you. Because I’m still learning to be brave, to be me, and I just really love you, and I want to protect your heart with all my life --”

 

Jiwoo lets out the smallest sound of hope and disbelief and abject love. Her hands come up to hold Sooyoung’s face in kind, wiping away tears with her thumbs. Sooyoung realizes she is crying as well. You're not supposed to cry when you kiss someone and Sooyoung still doesn't have the right words but love is never perfect and Sooyoung begins to think that that is what makes it all okay --

 

Jiwoo pulls Sooyoung back down for another kiss, hands so real and warm, and while Sooyoung’s vision is blurred with tears, she closes her eyes and melts into Jiwoo and knows that never has she been able to see and feel and love more clearly.

 


End file.
